Finding Comfort in Your Arms
by dphillips76
Summary: Wishful thinking continuation of 3x06 "3XK". Beckett spends a little more time comforting Castle after Tyson's assault and escape. One shot. Complete.


_Here you go._

_Thanks._

_Tell me something Castle. Why did he let you live?_

_To punish me, make me pay for ruining his plan. Now he's gonna kill again, all because I couldn't stop him. I just feel so…._

_I know the feeling._

_I know you do._

They sit there beside the motel pool, his hand clasped around hers, long after Ryan has been taken away in the ambulance with Esposito riding with him. After CSU has finished sweeping the room. After the last black and white has pulled out of the parking lot. The coffee she brought him goes cold as he holds it in his hand, staring out across the teal light of the pool.

"Castle?" Beckett nudges his knee with hers. She could sit here with him until dawn, but it's been a long day and she needs some rest, knows that he needs it too. And she wants to get him away from here, get his mind off the whole ugly situation.

"Hmm?" He picks his head up and she sees the depth of his sorrow in the circles under his eyes and the way his eyelids are puffy and red-rimmed. She watched out of the corner of her eye as his frustration made tracks down his cheeks hours ago, but didn't say anything, just held his hand and let him get it out of his system.

"Come on. Let's get you home." She stands, wincing at the stiffness in her legs and the tingles in her rear from sitting too long on the cold cement. Her chest tightens at the way he looks at her, like a little boy in the supermarket who's lost track of his mother and she's his savior.

She tugs lightly on his hand, and he gets up slowly, pulling himself up to stand beside her. He doesn't speak while she leads him to the passenger side of her cruiser and opens the door. He slides in, still silent, and she hurries to the other side, swinging herself in behind the wheel. She glances over at him, and he's staring out the window, his shoulders hunched in around himself, his hands balled into fists on his knees. She briefly considers taking him to the ER to get checked for shock, but decides against it. Maybe if she can just get him back to the loft and into familiar territory, surround him with Alexis and Martha, he'll snap out of it.

He doesn't speak at all during their drive across town. Beckett just concentrates on navigating traffic and listening to her scanner. She glances over at him every couple of minutes, but he doesn't move a muscle the entire time. She doesn't want to push him too hard, but she knows she's got to make him understand that it's not his fault.

Tyson easily could have killed him, only refrained from doing so because in his sick, demented mind, letting Castle live with this guilt of knowing that it was only a matter of time before 3XK claimed the lives of more young, pretty women would be more satisfying. And Castle is sitting there blaming himself because the monster got away, fooled them all. She wasn't lying when she said she knew how he felt. She's felt the exact same way more times than she can count. There have been cases she couldn't close, killers she couldn't catch. But for her, it's part of the job, the frustrating part of being a cop. She's had experience dealing with the feelings of failure and helplessness, Castle hasn't.

She knows that he'll get past this. He has to. He's been able to get through the dark places of the other depravity he's been around the last couple of years of following her around. She doesn't know how he deals with it, and she realizes that it's had to affect him, drag him down from time to time. Hell, he wouldn't be human if some of the things they've seen didn't punch holes right through his belief in humanity. She's been on the job for years, and it still gets to her sometimes. But she hasn't seen him get this knocked down over it until now. There's no telling what Tyson said to him in that motel room.

_Oh, Jerry. Shooting? It's not your style._

_You really don't know me at all do you?_

_Oh it's not complicated. You were raised by a single mother. She was blonde. Oh, she was beautiful, but she never wanted you. When you were what, 12, I'm guessing? She died suddenly, let's say drug overdose. You go into foster care, the bad kind. You have so much hate, so much hate towards your mother for abandoning you, that you kill these women to get back at her. But you leave them looking peaceful because as much as you hated your mother, you loved your mother. Am I getting warm?_

_You're .. drawn.. to death. You like to be around it. Because it thrills you. Now where does that come from? Your own suppressed impulses? How.. close.. to death do you want to get? Huh?_

Kate pulls into the parking structure next to Castle's building, shuts the car off and turns to him. She sits waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't. Finally, he turns to face her. The dome light goes out and the darkness creeps in around them. There's just enough light from the safety lights inside the parking structure for her to be able to discern the outline of him sitting in the passenger seat. His face is turned towards hers, and his hand makes a whispering noise as he slides it over the console, reaching for her. She knows she probably shouldn't get his hopes up, but she can't deny him this small comfort, and so she meets him halfway, slipping her fingers through his and squeezing. He grips her hand tightly, and she returns the pressure, trying to give him something to anchor his feelings to.

"How do I get past this Kate?" He whispers, using her first name, and so she knows he's struggling with his emotions, working hard not to break down again.

"You hold on to the good things in life Rick, cherish them, be grateful for them. You go up to your loft and hug Alexis and your mother. Hold them, and tell them you love them. And you wake up tomorrow and put one foot in front of the other until you push yourself past it. That's all you can do."

She hears his breath hitch when she answers him. She can feel his pulse pounding between their palms that are smashed together.

"Will you come up for a little bit? I need something to focus on so I can be strong for them."

"Castle…."

"Please Kate. Just a few minutes? Help me dodge the questions, and convince them that I'm okay, that I'll be fine. I need to reassure them, and I think I can do it if you're with me. Please?"

"Castle… Rick, look at me." She reaches out with her other hand, lays her palm against his cheek, and feels him lean into her touch.

"I wasn't going to say no." She tells him when he meets her eyes. She can see his gleaming in the dark, and she holds his gaze for a moment, telegraphing things that she doesn't dare speak out loud, but more importantly, that she's there for him because he needs her to be. She's his partner, his friend, and something else that she can't, doesn't dare to, define right now. "Let's go up."

They get out of her cruiser, and she hurries around to his side. He's leaning back against the car like he can't make himself take that first step. She takes his hand in hers again, and takes a step away, but he pulls her back.

"I don't know if I can do this Beckett." He grates out, his voice cracking under the strain.

"You have to Castle. Do it for them. If you don't, they'll break down, then the damn will break and so will you. You have to play it down so they don't worry over you every second you're out of their sight. They love you, and they want to know you're safe." She takes his other hand too, tugging lightly until he looks at her. And though it's lighter outside the car, it's still plenty dark, but she doesn't have any trouble seeing the anguish pouring out him.

Instead of trying to convince him anymore, she moves towards him, sliding her arms around his waist and stepping completely into his space. She presses against him, and tightens her arms around him, praying silently for the strength to hold him together long enough to put his mother and daughter's fears to rest.

At first he doesn't return her embrace, but she felt him catch his breath as soon as she touched him, and then he lets it out and he's suddenly squeezing her so tight that she can barely breathe. But she holds him just as tightly, slowly stroking his back with her hands, trying to soothe him.

"Kate…" He starts with a whisper.

"Shhh, Rick. It's ok." She stops him, not wanting him to say something he can't take back and she can't ignore.

He buries his face in her neck then and mumbles nonsense into her hair. She can't make out anything he's saying, but catches her name a few times. She surprised, and yet not so much at the same time, at the way her insides tingle at the sound of her name coming from his lips. She doesn't think he even knows what he's saying.

After a few minutes, his arms relax a little, allowing her pull a good lungful of air in, and finally she pulls back a little. And then it's her turn to hold her breath because his face is so close to hers that she could count his eyelashes if she wanted to. Before she realizes what she's doing, she's closing what little gap there is, and barely stops herself from pressing her lips to his. Instead she turns it into tucking her chin and touching her forehead to his, closing her eyes and hoping he doesn't notice that she almost kissed him.

"Come on Castle. Let's go show your mother and your daughter that you're still alive." She says as she makes herself pull away from him, leaning back to put some distance between them. When she opens her eyes, she can see that his are a little clearer than they were, and she thinks he'll be ok, at least enough to convince Martha and Alexis.

He sighs when she steps out of his arms, and she gives him a little smile as she takes his hand again. This time when she starts walking, he comes with her.

Just before they walk through the door to the lobby of his building, he pulls her to a stop again. "Thank you Beckett. You brought me back from the edge tonight."

"Always."

* * *

_**A/N:** Yes, I realize that the famous "Always" doesn't make an appearance this early, and that Kate doesn't say it first… But just let me have my little fantasy :)_

_Please take a moment to leave a few words if you liked it._


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